Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
