it hurts more in the daytime
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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