I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
