Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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