Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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