you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
