I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
