she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
