Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
