Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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