it's like iHOP with fire
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i've created a new STD.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
