I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
