I just threw up on my dentist
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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