it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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