did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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