there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
