I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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