You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
