I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
