In the future we'll all be gay
People in love make me want to vomit
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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