Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
