Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
