The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
BRING THE BAGELS
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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