What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
