Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
