At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
