never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
