just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
