I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
