I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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