tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
