Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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