take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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