easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
