you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
