my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
