oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
