I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
there is glitter all over my balls
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
