I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
