sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
