i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
