people are starting to question the shark bite story
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
