Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
