Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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