Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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