Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
