I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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