dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
