Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
