you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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